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    《齒痕》

    發表時間:2016年05月21 作者:西鐵成點擊:14224次 收藏此文

    齒   痕

    西鐵成

        忘了究竟是哪一年我才吃到第一塊面包的。不過可以肯定的是,1979年以前這種無異于圣誕禮物一樣的天堂美味,我只在飄著雪花的夢中虛無縹緲地品嘗過。松軟的口感,甜美的味道,虛幻的驚喜,讓我第一口就咬到了舌頭。燒紅的炭火一瞬間灼傷了味覺,像是在敏感的舌尖上烙下了一枚紅牙印,疼痛讓我從現實的夢中醒來,也讓那塊記憶中的面包有了永久的恒溫。

        1979年,11歲的我對食物的理解偏向于喜劇,在那個剛剛解凍的貧乏年代,我還沒見過哪種比面包更具象征意味的食物。當《列寧在1918》這部前蘇聯電影在小學操場上放映時,列寧的警衛員瓦西里和妻子娜塔莎在影片開頭的一段對白,一下子攫住了銀幕前所有饑餓孩子的心:“——牛奶沒有,面包也沒有,怎么辦?我們拿什么來喂他呢?——不要難過,不要哭。會有的,都會有的,面包會有的。我要到察里津去,糧食會有的,一切都會有的。”多少年過去,電影中別的場景一點都不記得了,但這段臺詞還會情不自禁地從記憶深處的某個角落突然冒出來,就像你走在街上,一抬頭看到某個店鋪門楣的LED顯示屏正在滾動播出一段你耳熟能詳的廣告詞。自從看了這部電影,課間活動,我們又多了一種類似擊鼓傳花般你一句我一句對接這段經典臺詞的游戲,如果在誰那里卡殼,誰就被淘汰,直到最后一個。第一個被淘汰的認罰買一顆水果糖給沒有卡過殼的最終勝利者。我記得在游戲熱的那段時間里,我的水果糖得到的最多。但我總感覺還欠缺點什么,因為廉價的水果糖的味道和美味的面包比起來簡直太微不足道了。我們班里的一個女生,她有個在保定工作的姑姑,一次她把姑姑買給她的面包帶到學校來吃。那是我第一次知道世間還有面包這種食物。我現在已經無法用語言來準確形容當時那塊面包對我的眼睛所構成的吸引力了,那塊對于我來說無異于天堂美食的面包像一塊吸力強勁的磁鐵,牢牢吸附著我和口水連在一起的目光。看得出,那個女生剝面包紙的動作并不熟練:雙手小心翼翼地捧著,像雕刻一件工藝品一樣一小口一小口地啄著吃。我還特別注意到,不小心掉在地上的一粒面包渣她也捏起來放進了嘴里,我被這個電影鏡頭般的細節攪動得胃部幾乎要痙攣起來。可能在她的計劃中她還要把順著食道運到胃里去的面包在肚子里重新復原,然后反芻以供她繼續享用。那種微妙而豐富的表情即使是今天回憶起來仍然深刻得讓人唏噓。當時我固執地認為人間最好吃的食物應該就是面包了。以我當時幼稚淺顯的認識,能生產如此美味的面包,保定應該是世界上最美好的城市了。我們家沒有保定的親戚,這讓我那顆幼小的心非常難過。我就在課桌的右上角刻下“面包會有的”五個字,以此來勉勵和安慰自己。也許是這種座右銘一樣的心理暗示,我天天盼著家里來客人,說不定他們中的某一位會給我帶來讓我垂涎已久的面包。我每天放學第一件事,就是迫不及待地奔回家中,像一只小狗一樣撲向那些自認為可以藏匿面包的地方,遺憾的是,直到夏天快結束我去西角中學上初一時,奇跡也沒有發生。

        帶著這種遺憾,11歲的我開始了初中的跑宿生活。西角既不是鄉政府所在地,也不是一個鎮子,只是因為它處在八個自然村方圓十幾公里的中心位置,津同公路穿村而過,交通的便利讓它坐擁全鄉僅有的兩家國營單位西角糧站和西角供銷社。西角中學在河對岸的高臺上,從操場回望,能看見供銷社大門兩側的白灰墻上鮮紅的“發展經濟,保障供給”,以及糧站大鐵門上方拱形鐵架上美術體的“西角糧站”四個鐵藝大字,據說這都出自于西角中學一個叫張衛星的高中美術老師之手,在我進西角中學的那一年,張老師考取了中央工藝美術學院。這極大地刺激了西角中學那些愛好美術的同學,他教過的那幾屆學生中,有一些緊緊追隨張老師的腳步考取了八大美院中的一些美術院校以及師范院校的美術系。我在校圖書室的墻上看到過張老師畫的油畫《毛主席去安源》,青年毛澤東一襲長衫,頭頂云海洶涌,身后林濤翻滾,層次明朗,氣勢恢宏。多年后我去中國美術館看到劉春華的原作,立即在腦子里和張老師的仿作進行隔空對比,得出的鑒定結果是達到了以假亂真的水準。

        跑宿給我帶來的第一個變化是我的美味收藏夾里又多了一種類似于面包的食物——饅頭。那時候我所見過并且吃過的饅頭多為玉米面或者蕎麥面,不是現在意義上的饅頭。有的人家為了以假亂真在白玉米面里摻上大把的滑石粉蒸出形色接近原版的山寨饅頭,這有點類似于前幾年被3.15叫停的加三聚氰胺的牛奶,但這已經是盜版的粗糧饅頭里檔次最高的了。學校的食堂也是山寨的,沒有炊事員,只有一口大鍋,六個直徑一米五左右的大籠屜,給中午帶飯的學生加熱干糧用。上午最后一節課由兩個從各班隨機抽出的學生做臨時炊事員值周,負責把裝滿六個大籠屜里的冷干糧蒸熱。第一次值周我和初三一個叫大泉的高個子男生被抽在一組。他看起來比我大四五歲的樣子,架柴燒火擺放籠屜的動作顯得駕輕就熟。雖然我5歲開始就在家里學著做飯,但這種靠吹風機吹火的半機械化大灶我還是第一次見到,不知道該從哪里下手,只好完全聽命于他的吩咐。他很少和我交流,但毫不掩飾不屑與我為伍的鄙夷。他用啞語般的努嘴動作來對我發號施令,并以此表達對我的不滿。他的午飯只有兩個黑乎乎的不知是什么面食的鍋貼和半塊蘿卜咸菜,我和他值周那一個禮拜從沒見他換過。和他一起吃飯時我感覺他的飯量很大,如果他的胃是個一千毫升的容器,從他吃完飯后的表情判斷,那兩個鍋貼也就是僅填滿四五百毫升的樣子。在他旁邊,我能清楚地聽到他的胃因為填充不滿而從腸道發出來的咕嚕聲。大泉有個癖好,他往籠屜里擺放干糧時喜歡把疑似裝有好吃食物的飯盒打開檢查,看到好吃的,他會拿起來放到鼻子下面嗅一下。我們班有個女生,她爸爸在與中學隔河相望的西角糧站當會計,她帶的午飯象征了她父親的身份,有時是晶瑩潔白的稻米飯,有時是雪白松軟的饅頭,這對我們這些每天靠粗糧裹腹的貧賤身體構成了一種巨大的誘惑。無論是顏色還是形態,女生的饅頭在我們的想象力中隱含了一種優雅的彈性和超自然的香味。大泉瞇著眼睛把饅頭捧在手里翕動鼻翼的陶醉樣子,極像是一只正在采蜜的大蜜蜂,似乎鼻子可以代替嘴巴,聞一聞就可以免費飽餐一頓。有一次,他像是對我又像是自言自語地說,有朝一日等他有了錢,他就把西角糧站所有的白面都買下來。他要一口氣吃八個饅頭,再吃三碗紅燒肉,然后把剩下的饅頭當枕頭,躺在饅頭上睡大覺。

        大泉有時會利用值周的權利偷著給自己加餐。他把不知從哪里弄到的青玉米或者紅薯,趁燒火的時候放到灶間烤一下然后半生不熟地剝皮吃掉。他像抖空竹一樣從灼燙的炭火中試探著拿燒紅薯的動作,讓我記住了一個生動的成語——火中取栗。有一次他在燒火時讓我到門口望風,他掏出來幾只還在蹦的蛤蟆和幾條黑不溜秋的泥鰍,用兩根提前準備好的鐵絲把蛤蟆和泥鰍穿了伸進灶膛里燒。食堂門口不時有人走過,怕被老師看到,心急火燎燒出來的蛤蟆和泥鰍一半已經焦糊另一半還帶著血絲。他將一條還在燒紅的鐵絲上痙攣的泥鰍遞過來示意我嘗一下,這是他和我值周時間里唯一的一次對我表示友好的動作。我覺得惡心,連忙搖頭表示拒絕。沒想到他像鱷魚一樣一口一個,連骨頭都嚼碎了,牙齒鋒利得像是連鐵器都能斷掉的銼刀。只是拔鐵絲的動作還有些不太熟練,燒紅的鐵絲不小心燙到了舌頭,像一只被灼傷的蛤蟆,他“啊”的一聲跳了起來。

        那個時候,饑餓是一種潛伏于我們體內的病毒,讓我們的生長充滿了隱秘的疼痛和變異。從架柴點火到灶膛里的烈焰化為灰燼,四十五分鐘時間,兩個少年幾乎沒有一句對話,肌體發育的入不敷出所引發的焦慮讓我們各懷心事。

        

        對1979年的記憶終止在一個雨天。一輛白色的公安摩托挎斗開進學校從我們對面的初三教室把大泉帶走了。起初我們以為是拍電影,見大泉落湯雞一樣縮在挎斗里,誰也不知道發生了什么事,從班主任嘴里我們才知道大泉偷了西角糧站的面粉。校長在全校大會上宣布這件事情時用到了“偷盜國家財產罪”這個極其嚴肅的詞,作為一種警示的標記,像在布告上給大泉這個名字打了個重重的紅圈。我還記得校長在講話結束時用了一個抑揚頓挫愛憎分明的對比句:張衛星老師是西角中學的驕傲,大泉是西角中學的恥辱。

    1982年,我考到外地讀高中并開始住校,結束了長達三年的跑宿生活,從此之后再沒去過西角。

    多年過去了,一個偶然的機會我去宣鋼出差路過西角,就在長途汽車停留橋頭的一分鐘時間里,眼前出現了一種記憶回放的幻覺。我發現,供銷社原來的老房子已經沒有了,取而代之的是一個雜亂的廢品收購站。隔河相望的西角中學也沒了學生,昔日的操場已被雜草完全覆蓋。但我看見橋頭糧站拱形鐵架上的四個鐵藝大字還在,不過更換了一個新名稱:“大泉糧站”。這四個字掠過眼前的一瞬間,突然灼痛了我的視覺,讓我的記憶出現了一種時間閱讀器斷電般的錯亂。錯亂中,我想到了那個牙齒如銼刀,期待枕著饅頭睡覺的大個子少年,然后又想到了那個把眼睛變成放大鏡盯住面包看的11歲少年。當然,幻覺里還有身后饑餓的陰影中越來越模糊的1979年。


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